New school year for the smart girls

It’s been a very long while since I posted last, but now that the school year has started again, I wanted to start posting again.   The summer was quite busy and filled with softball for the girls.

In this photo, E (7) was playing on the 6 and under team (she turned 7 after the age cutoff date).

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K (8), my daughter who was formerly selectively mute, is playing third base.  The humorous thing about this is that she was the loudest and most frequent singer of the softball chants.  Lots of times the other girls would forget to sing chants, but K led most of them.  It’s been so ironic that the girl who could not speak in front of others now would sing the chants loud and clear.

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M (10)  at bat.

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At the end of the regular season, we had a lot of fun watching E play up on an 8 and under game against her sister K, and K play up to 10 and under against her sister M.  The girls had a lot of fun playing against their sisters and Mr. RSG had an exciting time watching them play each other.

M and K also went on to play in the All-Star Tournaments.  K’s team didn’t place, but M’s team, in their three tournaments, placed, 4th, 2nd and then 1st.  The second and first place wins were not easy to come by, as they played against some really good teams.  In the end, though, they were able to pull it off.

***

The school year began a few weeks ago, and there has been a big change in M’s life.  No longer is she in elementary school, but middle school.  The elementary schools in our area have moved the 5th graders over to the middle school, where they had more room.  In addition, she now takes a bus, whereas before we lived close enough she could be dropped off by car.   She now has different teachers for each subject matter.    All of these things were adjustments she’s had to make, and it seems to be going well so far.

We went to the open house and her teachers seem really warm and interested in making sure the fifth graders have a great transition into the middle school.  She has advanced classes and will be taking 6th grade math curriculum as a 5th grader.

While we knew that M was already slated for the advanced program in middle school, we weren’t sure about K.   We received her letter of acceptance into the program at the end of June that she made it into the gifted program.  K was so excited to have gotten in.

In the coming posts, I’ll be talking about their programs and the changes they made to the gifted program in our school district. I think it’s been interesting to see how they try to accommodate the students and how the girls are faring in their programs.  It’s certainly feels different already, and they’ve only been in school three weeks.

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4 Responses to New school year for the smart girls

  1. Marya says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your personal history. I found the link to this blog from a post you made regarding the book “will I ever be good enough – healing the daughters or narcissistic mothers”. What really struck a painful chord was how you referred to your experience as a mother of daughters. I currently have an 8 year old daughter and I’m struggling with having empathy and patience with her. It seems to get harder for me as she gets older and I need to learn how to heal and change because the last thing on earth I want to do I’d hurt my sensitive, Beatiful, preciously wonderful daughter. It’s terrible how I can genuinely feel this way about my daughter, yet later throw out some uncensored impatient snarly remark or throw her a look that could kill. Usually over something very innocent an 8 year old would do. I have refused to resort to hitting my child and never have so I am grateful I don’t have to fight that demon. However, I know from my past dusfunctional physical and psychological abuse I my mother that the words an looks can hurt more and last longer than the physical abuse.
    Anyways, thank you for sharing your story. I am going to look into buying either “will I ever be good enough” or “the emotionally absent mother”
    I started sobbing when I read the 10 things a mother should say/show to her child because they are truly so important and I don’t know if my daughter is getting what she needs. I know she knows I love her (I will say it to her at least 2-3 times a day. Probably to mask the fact that I k ow I am lacking in other parenting areas) but I want her to feel loved and supported.
    What a journey,
    MS

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Maya –

    What a journey it is. I agree…it’s tough at times. But it all starts with awareness and I’m glad you are aware of your own challenges. And I do one thing my mother could never do when mistakes happen. I apologize.

    There is no way to be a perfect parent. Even without being abused as a child.

    The books help and so does art journaling. Just keep in mind healing work brings emotions up that need to be dealt with. There is anger, for sure, but underneath all anger is pain. Anger is not always bad…it’s just how we deal with anger is the problem.

    I like this article about The Hidden Treasure of Anger:

    http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3500&Itemid=0

    Some of my favorite lines:

    “As a response to being wronged, anger is a boundary-setter that says, “Stop! I can’t tolerate this,” or, “This isn’t working for me.” It is not blaming the other or shaming the self. Often experienced first as a contraction in the throat, chest, stomach, or abdomen and a clenching of the fist, anger may be associated with the words “I can’t go on like this” seared into the mind.”

    “Because anger is expressed at a moment of need, the person expressing it is vulnerable.”

    “Anger has unfortunately been confused or conflated with aggression, hatred, or rage—some of its more destructive siblings. Many people make the mistake of pushing away anger, being afraid that it will be destructive if expressed. Some may hyper-value silence as though it were its own virtue. Others may express aggression, blame, anxiety, or rage instead of anger.”

    “We can then make a commitment to watch our own feelings. We will notice how they arise and pass away, no matter how painful or contractive they are, and that we experience them as body sensations, internal images, and internal talk. Over time, we will become familiar with the emotional landscape of anger. My own anger arises with my chest tightening and my throat constricting, and it tends to shape into the inner words: “I can’t stand this,” or something similar. I label it “anger” fairly quickly. Then, I am interested in discovering just what it is that seems unfair to me at that moment. The sense of being treated unfairly should not be overlooked or brushed aside. We will learn from answering the questions: “Why am I feeling this?” “What needs to change here?” and “What do I need to do about it?””

    I am glad for the chance to revisit this…I think I really appreciate this take on anger, most of all. I come back to this article time and time again.

    I know all about the “looks” that can wither. And…even if you do find yourself doing that. You can still apologize for it. And maybe even talk about what was going on when you felt that way. I mean, it might be better to verbalize a frustration. You can talk about what just happened that way…and open up a dialogue.

    Best wishes,

    Casey

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hi, I have a selective mutism story to share and I hope it will help give others hope. Where should I email my story to?

  4. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Hi, Anonymous,

    You can email it to raisingsmartgirls@yahoo.com

    Thank you for your interest,

    Casey

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