Mindfulness is…

Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.

~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

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2 Responses to Mindfulness is…

  1. Raena says:

    Hello, lovely pictures, I believe your quote is all about being, just being. Something at the age of 18 I have taught myself to do, unfortunately this renders me ‘different’ from young adults my age.

    I ave been gas lighted, by my friends, parent, and friends of my parent, that night was very traumatic……… VERY. These people were surprised I didn’t make myself throw up, and that says they know exactly what they were doing.

    I want to know how to step back and not let gas lighting effect me.

    Do you know?

    P.s I love this blog so genuine, and I can see your big heart through your writing, very special.

    Thankyou

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Raena,

    I’m so sorry you are going through that. How do you step back and not let it affect you?

    Short answer:
    I clung to Nietzsche’s aphorism: “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.”

    Long answer:

    It’s very difficult, seems nearly impossible but I believe it’s do-able. It comes down to CHOICE and WILL. YOUR choice and YOUR will is stronger than they let you believe. In every awful life experience, there exists a germ of meaning and a boatload of growth potential. These trials you face are teaching you a very painful, but in some ways important growth that you can’t be taught otherwise.

    If you can get from the library, read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. It’s truly remarkable what the human spirit can endure and rise above. You can too. The ability is well within your grasp. I wish I had known about it then. I simply escaped through other books a lot. There are lots more resources out there now than when I was going through it (see below).

    When I was going through it…I tried to journal about it. But my sister took my journal, read it, told my mother about it, and burned it in the fireplace. Oh, my gosh, if I had a blog back then, I certainly would blog. WordPress has free ones. You can set one up and use a pseudonym to air your pain.

    I did have two friends who lived far away from me, so I wrote them prolifically. I wrote them a little about the bad things but didn’t focus too much on them, but more about the good things that I dreamed about doing with my life. I asked them about their lives too.

    You need to learn to recognize abuse and walk away from any abusive situation as soon as humanly possible because it is like quicksand, plain and simple. You need to find other HEALTHY people to talk with. Maybe a counselor who works on a sliding scale (check out your nearest university, sometimes they offer inexpensive sessions for their psychology master’s degree students). At one point in my life, I actually went to a battered woman’s shelter to ask for assistance. They were telling me how I could get set up if I really needed it.

    Thank you for your compliment…but I write many things from my heart for those who are walking a similar path that I have. Not everyone has been abused, but you would be surprised how many there are out there. So many adults in their 40s and 50s I personally know who suffer childhood abuse.

    We are the walking wounded, and sometimes all we can do to repair the past is by helping our fellow travelers when they falter. I am compelled to do what I can to alleviate others’ suffering if I can. I can never repay the help I received, so I do what I can to pay it forward.

    There are also trauma resources on my blog if you can find them at the library or purchase them. Also, check out resale shops. I keep an eye out there all the time for books for less than a dollar.

    https://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/the-gas-light-effect/

    https://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/2009/09/11/the-legacy-of-narcissistic-mothering/

    https://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/2010/06/06/trauma-resources/

    https://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/safe-trauma-recovery/

    and other sources

    Essays for the Enlightenment Seeker (essays on childhood abuse)

    http://www.iraresoul.com/home_page.html

    The Drama of the Gifted Child – Alice Miller

    http://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/0465016901

    Mean Mothers – Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt.
    http://www.amazon.com/Mean-Mothers-Overcoming-Legacy-Hurt/dp/0061651362/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1295991247&sr=1-1

    Here’s the first chapter of her book

    http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/read-excerpt-mothers-peg-streep/story?id=8825765

    Please, I encourage you to read and journal (sometimes writing in metaphor can help you get feelings out without ‘hiding’ the specifics of what is happening so it can’t be used against you).

    The BEST help out there is self-education and bibliotherapy. Therapy does help, but sometimes does more harm than good. You know you can read as much or as little as you want, take as long as you need. It helps to read about OTHER people’s experiences, because it gives you a little distance from your own.

    Best wishes…

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