And if that weren’t enough…

Spacemom (who’s on the science operations of a NASA telescope AND a mom of 2) asked me in the comments of this post

What ARE your goals in life? How about the next 2 years? Can you reach them?

The main one I have now is trying not to leave permanent emotional damage on my girls by being unable to do the mom thing with grace. So far I’m failing miserably.

I said a horrible thing to them yesterday. In a fit of exasperation and helplessness and overwhelm, I said maybe they would be happier with a new mom for them/new wife for daddy that loved to cook and clean and that maybe they would listen to HER and all be happier without me.

I don’t know why this has to be so hard. I spent 12 years at clinical laboratory jobs and always worked hard and (for the most part) earned the respect of my superiors and colleagues. I could carry out complex test procedures, troubleshoot instrumentation, handle myself with poise in the courtroom, manage the quality control program, create new procedures, supervise 3 subordinates and manage the daily operations of a small genetics lab who tested for rare diseases, and get things done.

And NOTHING is like that now. What the hell happened to me?

Oh, yeah, I quit my job, had another baby (making it 3 in 3.5 years) and lost all my self discipline over the past 6 years and managed to blow out my thyroid.

Damn.

Something’s got to change…

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2 Responses to And if that weren’t enough…

  1. Spacemom says:

    The reason I asked that question is simple, I am at the same point. What are my goals? I am no longer trying to have children, I am no longer waiting for kindergarten, I’ve gotten there and…..like Bloat says in “finding Nemo” Now what?

    I’ve said bad things before. You only fail if you don’t stop later and let the kids know that you are human and sometimes, even moms lose their temper and say things they don’t mean.

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Spacemom –

    1. Yes, you are so right.

    2. Dh is hopefully going to help me find a family counselor so that we can sort some of this family stuff out. It’s long past time we got some help.

    3. I think, once we start making progress with a trusted counselor, some of the things might clear up enough to get them resolved.

    4. I think there are many parallels going on in our lives, which is probably why it feels so comforting to me to hear from you. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate the feedback.

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