I’ve often wondered lately if I am on a bit of a self-destructive path of late and not entirely sure I haven’t gone off the deep end but haven’t yet acknowledged it to myself.

Something is keeping me stuck and I really don’t know how to fix it on my own.

The lack of meaningful in real life friendships is really bothering me, and has been for a long time.

The lack of inspiring work is really bothering me.

The lack of energy and motivation is really bothering me.

The excess of procrastination in my life is really bothering me.

The lack of self-discipline is really bothering me.

I googled overcoming procrastination this morning in an effort to at least make an attempt to try and fix what’s wrong with me.

I found some potentially helpful articles over at Steve Personal Development for Smart People.

Overcoming Procrastination

The behavior pattern of procrastination can be triggered in many different ways, so you won’t always procrastinate for the same reason. Sometimes you’ll procrastinate because you’re overwhelmed with too much on your plate, and procrastination gives you an escape. Other times you’ll feel tired and lazy, and you just can’t get going.

There’s also a 5-part series on Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state.

My husband knows I’m struggling and have been for a long time. There’s so much potential stored up inside me, but there’s this HUGE barrier to it. That huge barrier? Me. I am my own worst enemy. I am standing in my own way, and have been ignoring that basic fact and I think it’s time I start doing something about it before I really cause some damage in my life.

This entry was posted in gifted adults, gifted support, health, introspection. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Stuck.

  1. Rick says:

    I struggle with this too, weekly, if not daily. I wish I knew what the answer was.

    I do know of a couple of things that can help: Real, daily exercise (I mean, an hour, with sweat… not a mild walk around the block), and socializing (which is not easy to coordinate with kids, other people with kids, work, etc).

    The hard part is, when you’re in an unmotivated state, getting out to exercise or socialize is HARD.

    I’ve had periods of my life where exercise was a regular thing, and other times when it wasn’t. For me, once I hit the six week mark, I’m usually better about maintaining it. But that first six weeks sucks, and my creative mind can generate a thousand reasons to just stay on the couch. 🙂

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Hmmm, a whole hour of sweaty exercise? Really? Rats. It takes a LOT for me to sweat.

    Actually, last summer, I ALMOST became a runner. Meaning, I worked myself up to running more than a few blocks without cramps in my side with the dog. She loved it, I was loving it…then I just stopped. I did enjoy it for a while. I was starting to look really nice too (not that I’m not looking nice now, just not as nice as I was).

    I had a bit of a better day. Got no exercise to speak of, but I at least made a good effort to eat well. I started eating more veggies and I took some vitamins. I think that helped a lot.

    The hard part is, when you’re in an unmotivated state, getting out to exercise or socialize is HARD.

    Yeah, I KNOW what THAT feels like.

    It’s far easier to have some semblance of a life on the computer. But, I’m working on that too. I just wish I could relocate a few peeps over here…that would solve a few dilemmas.

  3. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Oh, and I made a nice dinner for the family and I blogged a new science experiment over at my other blog…

    So I actually felt quite “productive” today. That was a first in a long time.

  4. Rick says:

    All this reminds me of a CS Lewis essay, where he made the valid point that once the psychologist’s work is done, it’s up to the person to actually live a good life, reconnect with God, etc.

    Counseling/insight gets us back to neutral, but we have to put it into drive, or nothing really changes.

    And, of course, I’m half talking to myself, here. 🙂

  5. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Rick – it’s weird…

    I had another really good day today…a lot more energy. Must be those vitamins and fruits and veggies I’m trying to eat more of.

    And I decided to tackle cleaning up my oldest daughter’s room with her. I’m afraid of all the things our kids inherited from Mr. RSG and I, procrastination is the worst one of them.

  6. Lisa says:

    Being stuck never feels good. I agree that exercise can help. I’m not a naturally physically energetic person, so I have to force myself to get outside in to walk sometimes, but whenever I do, I’m always glad I did.

    Keep pushing through it, Casey. I think that at midlife, for a certain kind of person, what you are experiencing is not only more normal than not, but, in the end, it can be the start of wonderful change and opportunities you can’t now imagine (think of Dabrowski’s positive disintegration). And, of course, spring is now here, so more sunshine never hurts.

    One more thought on inspiring work–I am only recently realizing how much I enjoy the feeling of doing work that I feel passionate about, or that is a good fit for me in some way. I can’t even always explain what that work is, and I don’t mean just work for pay. But I know it when I feel it, and I strive to feel it more often these days.

  7. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Lisa –

    Thanks for the thoughts. I hope the sun comes out this week. It was snowing on Saturday!

    We are on spring break this week, so the plan is to come up with a plan and some goals – before the end of the week. I’m doing some spring cleaning amidst doing some smaller projects and playing games with the girls.

    I put a lot of pressure on myself, way too much, and all I end up feeling is overwhelmed. Though it’s way worse when I don’t get enough sleep, like last night.

  8. Rick says:

    Too funny — I helped my girls clean up their rooms today, too.

    Honestly, I don’t think what you do matters as much as just doing something. The placebo effect is proven. Of course, eating healthier does make you feel better… but I bet half of the improved mood is still just doing something — anything — which is an attempt to solve the problem.

    In fact, I’ll take that a step further — I don’t think it matters which religion you practice (well, assuming it’s one that encourages murder or other insane behavior in the name of God), as long as you go all the way with it. They all lead to the same place.

  9. raisingsmartgirls says:

    You know, I wonder if I haven’t been suffering some kind of burnout and guilt for not doing extra with the kids for a while as I’d been consumed with other personal problems (the religion, health, etc) .

    My oldest a second grader, just took an AR quiz on Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets. That’s a reading level of 6.7. She’s not in a gifted program, because nothing starts until the 4th grade. So I feel like I want to do more with her (and her sister who is in K with a second grade reading level).

    The problem is exactly how to go about it. So far we’ve just been doing random things, but I want to do more project-oriented stuff with them, kind of like the homeschooling unit studies and lapbooks.

    And I think that’s part of my stress. I have been wanting to do some things and just haven’t started doing them.

    So…I decided to take the plunge, and simply ask my daughter what she wanted to learn more about, and since she was already doing an art project about Egyptian Hieroglyphics, and we have been collecting books and things about Mummies and Pyramids, I decided over spring break that we’d do some projects and games and readings about Ancient Egypt.

    I think that I’m going to post about the anxiety/responsibility I feel about/towards my kids. I don’t want to leave it all up to the schools, because they are only able to really accommodate her so much.

    This anxiety about the kids only adds to my feelings of overwhelm. Since I have a bit of a ‘plan of action’ now, I feel a little more in control.

  10. Liz says:

    I wonder if it’s a “perfectionist” streak — if you can’t do it perfectly, you can’t get started at all. I understand this completely, as it’s a big part of my life and something I struggle with. Deadlines and plans help me a lot. If I HAVE to do something, well, then it gets done! Of course, if it’s an artificial deadline, well, you know it and adjust accordingly. I think you might enjoy the book “ I Promised You Daisies by Robert Benjamin. It’s the second in a trilogy that he’s written that recount his difficulties in being super smart and not acknowledging that gift of giftedness. It lets the reader experience the soul-deep sorrow that can follow an unacknowledged gifted child into adult life.

  11. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Liz –

    Thank you. I appreciate the book recommendation. It could very well be partly perfectionist tendencies coupled with my Hashimoto’s thyroiditis that has me dragged down. It’s been a struggle to get my energy levels back to where I think they need to be. So, combine that with wanted to do something perfectly, I think that would be a recipe for failure to start.

    I am interested in more first-hand perspective of the gifted adult, so I bet the book would be great to read.

  12. Liz says:

    It’s interesting — I have a little trouble with the whole philosophy (not necessarily in the book; I’m speaking in general) that it’s someone else’s fault, but I also have seen way too many people fall by the wayside because schools, etc., flat out didn’t meet their needs to minimize the author’s pain! My sister-in-law years ago did a paper for graduate school on how many famous criminals were gifted — it was fascinating! On that note …

    Give the trilogy a look. I think you’ll enjoy it.

  13. Liz says:

    And by the way, as the mom of 3 smart girls (one of which had undiagnosed ADD until last year, at the age of 16…) I’m enjoying the site!

  14. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Liz –

    It actually doesn’t surprise me at all that many famous criminals were gifted. If you think about it, it takes a pretty sharp mind to not get caught – whether it’s a series of violent crimes or something like embezzlement.

    My theories – the gifted mind gets bored with traditional life, and crime is a way to feed the need for the thrill it seeks; the gifted mind gets abused/neglected by others and so therefore has no reason to abide by the rules instituted from those in power, the gifted mind feels “above” the law and so acts in accordance with their own laws.

    Yes, there is a fine line between being blaming others for what went wrong and chronically acting a victim and actually having a legitimate complaint about being thwarted in life by 1) bad luck or 2) no support or 3) or downright abuse.

    I found myself having a difficult time expressing openly my struggles as I examined my past publicly. I do not regret the path my life has taken, yet I KNOW things would be vastly different had I been free to make different choices.

    It’s tough to talk about such things without sounding like you are blaming others. And the same token, it’s important and helpful to talk about the losses of “what could have been” and move on from them.

  15. raisingsmartgirls says:

    And thanks for the appreciation of my blog. It’s very nice to know that others find something useful here.

    That’s cool that you have 3 smart girls too. I wonder what their spacing is – because if I had to do it all over again, I might re-think having 3 so close together (18 months apart).

  16. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Liz –

    As I was washing my dishes, I was thinking of your daughter being diagnosed with ADD.

    Was this something that was diagnosed after everything else was ruled out? I’m just curious.

    Have you read James T. Webb’s Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults. You can read an excerpt of it on google books


    Have you read my post Hyperfocused yet scatterbrained?

    I’m not going to pretend I know where to draw the line between true ADD and the overexcitabilities of giftedness. But when you think about the expectations of our fast-paced world, I wonder if a lot of this is artificially magnified.

    I know we need to evolve, but truly I bet if many of us ADD/ADD lookalikes lived in a slower-paced environment (say any in European countries where the pace of life is more relaxed), we’d have no need for the diagnosis.

    But more than that, I’m just thinking about the educational system in general, and how, for gifted kids, in a homeschooling setting something like ADD/ADHD become less problematic because you can work around the conditions, whereas in an institutional school setting these things become problematic.

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