Some quotes from the Creating Real Relationships book:
You carry inside yourself an invisible set of parents who live inside your head. These parental images may repeatedly remind you that you are defective. Furthermore, these “old” parental figures may remain in place even if your parents ares no longer alive or have significantly changed, and no longer shame you in the same way they once did.
Some losses can never be replaced. No amount of praise or respect in adulthood can compensate for the lack of praise or respect received as a child. This is why mourning is a necessary part of healing shame. You must mourn the parts of you that seemed to die in the face of rejection.
Grieving helps you realize that shame attacks the spirit. When we face losses resulting from shame, we feel a penetrating sorrow that can fill us with pain. But this grief can relieve shame when it is experienced fully. It helps to put away the past, with it’s lost hopes, so we can find a new path in the future.
With each loss of friendship…with every loss of connection with another friend, old wounds are re-opened. Nothing is permanent, and some people don’t consider my friendship essential to them to keep it going. And so the story goes, one right friend right after another…
I’m working through some past issues, grappling with some current issues, trying to rise above it all and stop crying about feelings of abandonment from people I care about, and having hope in some friends (and family) that are being so kind to me right now.
People come and people go…and the world keeps turning anyway.
I have to learn to accept this fact (and what the hell…if people really want to leave I can’t do anything about it) and just stop fighting it and stop taking things so personally (because it’s not really about me, but it’s really about them and what they feel they must do). It would be much, much better for me if I did.
Whatever it is I need, must come from within me, not from out there (though I appreciate the support and encouragement I do find from time to time).