What I really want

I really want to make some plans and keep to them. Oh, but they aren’t New Year’s resolutions. Nope. I’m never any good at keeping those. These are just things that I really want to work on in some fashion in the coming year.

1. I really want to make another pass at simplifying things around here. I’ve taken The Simple Living Guide’s – layer by layer approach to simplifying. Rather than do a major overhaul in one overwhelming batch, I periodically purge to remove stuff we don’t need. It’s time to do it again (actually it was time about 2 months ago). We live in a tiny house, so the extra unnecessary stuff just suffocates me here. And while my family did really well not to buy a lot of toys for Christmas, but games and clothes, I can’t say the same for my in-laws, who bought plastic toys up the ying-yang and no clothes (oh, I take that back, they got 3 sweaters). You should see the toys in the family room (but I’m going to tackle that mess tomorrow).

2. I really want to start a vegetable garden this spring (making sure it’s very rabbit proof).

3. I really want to start creating again. I wrote a list of projects down today I wanted to make. I haven’t done anything major since mid-year and it wasn’t supposed to be like that. I did make a few things on Christmas Eve and I hope to get started on some new projects this week.

4. I just bought a few books for more traditional cooking and I’ve been wanting to do some sort of movement/exercise and meditate so, I ordered Nourishing Traditions, Wild Fermentation and The Fourfold Path to Healing: Working with the Laws of Nutrition, Therapeutics, Movement and Meditation in the Art of Medicine. Not that I’m sick or anything, but I’d like to keep it that way.

5. I really want to figure out what is important to me with regards to the girls’ development and my own career goals. This area needs work. I only know I know that I don’t want to sacrifice the quality of life I have with my family for personal goals that will end up hurting my daughters or making my marriage hard to nurture. That’s the reason why I got out of the rat race in the first place. And also I quit my job so I could after-school the kids so they got their education supplemented. I think I’ve done a pretty decent job of taking them to educational places and teaching them a few things outside of school. I still like to continue to do science projects with the kids, and maybe add some more (homemade?) advanced montessori materials.

I still haven’t been called back about that job I interviewed for. In a way, I’m glad…I think if I got it, I would not be thrilled about it. I think there’s some things I need to work on before I take any job right now. Of course, things might be different if my husband were to get laid off (and he got a weird vibe at work about a week ago), so who knows.

6. I really want to curb my cranky side and stop swearing. Yes, swearing is my absolute worst habit and I can’t stand that I do that. It’s a really bad way of communicating my frustration. Hopefully the meditation/movement stuff will help me weed out that nasty habit of mine. Maybe it will also help me sleep at night. Lack of sleeping doesn’t help my crankiness or energy deficit at all.

7. Take time for the small bits of self-care – like shave my legs more often than once a month (or two). Get my hair cut more often than once every 4 months. Remember to use the nice lotion I got for Christmas before my hands dry out and hurt. Buy a couple of new pairs of jeans that actually fit and don’t slip down all the time (not that I’m skinny, I just have a narrow-ish waist and more than ample hips so I can’t find a pair of pants that actually fit right).

8. Learn how to be joyful. I guess I am avoiding wrinkles by not smiling so much…but really, I probably should work on that some. I need to work on how to be joyful more often. It’s probably due to the other missing things (sleep, self-care, meditation).

I often ask my husband if it’s even possible for me to be happy for long. I don’t think it’s completely impossible, but I sure do things that predispose me to being un-happy: lack of self-care, not sleeping, forgetting to eat sometimes, letting the house get too out of control, setting too many goals that are impossible to keep in a short amount of time, procrastinating, etc.

But…among other things…I’m working on that impossibly high standard goal setting/procrastination cycle too. And on that note, I ought to stop writing, go brush my teeth, get into my jammies, slap some lotion on my dried out hands, and get some sleep.

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