I don’t recall the Christmas season ever being quite this exhausting and worrisome to me. I think it’s because I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.
My grandma had a stroke yesterday. She’s 94 and she’d been experiencing a decline of her mental faculties for a little bit now. Her blood pressure spiked last week to 220 over something high (don’t remember). Christmas this year might be quite a bit gloomier than usual.
I’m on tenterhooks about the job I interviewed for last Monday. I know not to expect anything, even though they did mention perhaps sometime after Monday of this week. That doesn’t make the waiting any easier. I want to know if I’m rejected so that I can get on with life. Or accepted so I can adjust to the BIG changes that would happen.
Yesterday afternoon, I visited the very first laboratory I ever worked at for a tour, just trying to do some networking in case I don’t get the other job. And I ran into a few people who I worked with back then, 17 years ago. I was delighted to run into Kay, a lovely woman with an English accent who instantly remembered me. I was saddened to see her almost in the exact same spot I saw her in 17 years ago. I was also saddened to see all the automation of the laboratory is taking some of the art out of the science and the changes that give the lab more of a stale grey industrial look. But when a lab is run as a business (which that particular one was), it can happen that way.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it just occurred to me why it feels awful in there now than when I remembered it. They took out the only source of natural light in there – the entrance (with it’s glass doors and windows) to the main part of the lab was blocked by a new wall. And they built lab benches with shelves up high so you can’t even see your benchmates across from you. No wonder why it felt so much more claustrophobic inside. It’s because it WAS more closed up and blocked than it ever had been. No more looking across the great expanse of the room and seeing people you were fond of anymore.
I have to finish the presentation about forensic DNA analysis for my friend R’s 4th grade class next Monday. I’m only half-way done.
I volunteered for E’s preschool Christmas party today.
I have to go make gingerbread houses with K tomorrow at her school.
I have to volunteer for K’s kindergarten Christmas party on Thursday morning.
I got a phone call asking me to volunteer for M’s 2nd grade Christmas party Thursday afternoon.
But I’m supposed to rendezvous with one of my boyfriends* – the Orkin guy, the 50 something year old Gerald who is wacky about his fascination with critters. Poor Gerald, I’m going to have to call him up again and re-schedule our liaison (again for the second time this month), where he checks/removes the mouse traps and places new ones down while I listen to him regale me with stories of the crazy things critters have done in people’s homes and pest control and his other clients, or tell me humorous stories about his daughter S. The last time he was here, I was telling him about the cute little website PestWorld for Kids. I’m not sure who’s the bigger nerd, me or him. He’s actually one of the more interesting people around here in suburbia. Sad but true.
If you have been reading this blog awhile, you know that this lonely stay-at-home, intellectually/conversationally starved mama spends time studying and talking to service guys in her home – in a way that is so NOT Desperate Housewives. Far from it.
I’m a people watcher, a wonderer, a curious soul that needs to be connected to others. I do not like being over-busy with meaningless interactions with people, but I like the time to observe and connect with people meaningfully.
And that being said, all this rushing headlong into Christmas, a difficult time of year as it is, having to spend “fun” times with classrooms of wild and crazy kids hyped-up on anticipating Santa and presents, and the tension of the things that concern me, is turning me into one great ball of stress.
10 days until Christmas and I’ve got to get some things made (nothing beats waiting till the last minute, no?). I’ve got tons of sewing to do and I keep procrastinating. I’m procrastinating right now. It’s silly to do that. But my shoulders have been tense and I can’t seem to relax these days or focus much beyond today.
I need to get a time machine so I can jump ahead to January.
I also need to force myself not to write for about two weeks. Hardly doubt I can do that. Not writing is about as easy as not breathing.
* yes, my husband does get this is a joke, in fact, he’s the one who started it.