I’m antsy, and trying to decide if I’m going to do something about it or resign myself to feeling pathetic. I have a post topic I will get to eventually, but right now I’m just not feeling it. Instead, I am just going to post random stuff that’s on my mind.
1. The novel has been untouched for over a week now, and while I feel slightly guilty for letting myself down and am probably not going to finish what I started, I realize that part of it is that I’m bored with it, and after the week I had last week, real life was more important than living in my novel world.
2. I didn’t get a call back (yet) from the pre-job interview. And I can’t decide if I care or not. Why is that?
- I really don’t like the idea of having to find child care for my kids who are in school part time, and unless I can work 12-5, I don’t see any easy way to make it work, EVEN IF I did find suitable child-care.
- While I like a challenge, they couldn’t tell me what kind of projects I’d be doing, and if I’d be more than just a lackey. I’d rather not put my kids in daycare just to do the crap jobs no one else wants to do.
- I didn’t seek this job out. Therefore if I don’t get it, it’s no big loss.
- My kids are usually sick between October and March. Currently, littlest one (the one with the stapled head) is sick with a wet cough and sniffles and her legs hurt her yesterday. Do I really want to commit to a brand new job in the middle of the sick season?
3. I am bored again. Bored. Bored. Bored. I’ll admit it. I hate not working (housework does NOT count as work in my book) or doing something interesting with my time. Last week, I actually had a taste of what it was like to not be bored. I dressed up for that job pre-interview, I updated my resume, I actually read a few journal articles about validation studies for the instruments used in that microbiology lab. I could feel my interest piqued as I read. I had the emergency room visit for youngest daughter, had my daughter’s former teacher’s wake to attend, husband had last minute guests for dinner Saturday night, and 2 birthday parties on Sunday. And yes, I realize this point is exactly the reason why I SHOULD care about whether or not I get a call back from the job. Except, I just can’t bring myself to care because I don’t want to be rejected or think “what if that is my ONLY chance ever to get back in the STEM field?”
4. I am trying to decide what to direction to go with this blog and if I’m going to drop one of my other blogs (The Wonder Years blog ) because I’m bored with it. I set this one up to talk about raising my daughters, but lately have been focusing more on me and not them. And I should do some more with The Exploration Station, because my heart really is with science.
5. I’m still trying to figure out where I want to go from here with my LIFE. Something other than blogging…that is for sure. I got fired from my job as a special needs advocate. Well, fired in the sense that my formerly selectively mute daughter doesn’t need an advocate anymore. Which is really good for her. But not so good for me because I have nothing driving my direction anymore. I’m just kind of drifting again, following my varied interests, but not really diving deep anymore into a consuming passion.
6. Have I mentioned I hate feeling this way? I’m an analytical, organized thinker with the capacity to do lots of things if I have a clear focus. Work provided that for me. I really liked working in the lab. A little too much (I tended to be a workaholic and liked it that way). Whereas people in my life were unpredictable, my clinical laboratory job was fairly predictable. I could rely on my tests being run efficiently and accurately because I worked hard at perfecting my skills. I wasn’t fast, but I was accurate. And I basically ran the lab after my lab director moved out of the lab and upstairs. It was (at the time) the best use of my abilities. I just had that bad habit of getting pregnant frequently (I had 3 pregnancies but lost one during my three years there).
7. I hate winter in the midwest. It’s depressing, cold, depressing, dark, depressing, miserable and depressing. Work was a nice distraction from it.