That I wish I could do more.

(this is predominantly for tbs, but others are on my mind as well).

You know, there are times when you simply can’t affect a change for the better for someone else. As much as you’d love to, there can be circumstances beyond your control to do much else than offer cyber support. It is better than nothing (right? I hope), but sometimes it feels so woefully inadequate.

I was sitting in our minivan this morning while I was waiting to pick up my youngest daughter from preschool. For another month, we have free access to satellite TV. I let my kindergartener watch The Fresh Beat Band while we were waiting for 20 minutes. I like that show because most of the music is good and some actually has good messages.

This song came on and it made me wish life were simpler and that all my internet friends, whom I’ve come to appreciate very much could be accessible so we could support each other in real life. I was reminded by how limited power I have to help my friends in need. I want so much to be able to do more than offer my words. I’d like to also offer my hugs and a shoulder to cry on. But that is impossible without involving a plane trip.

This a poor recording, maybe videotaped from someone’s tv (which reminds me of the times I audiotaped The Monkees TV show back in the 70s), but it’s the only one out there that’s good enough. This song just got to me today. I came home with a heavy heart because I know while my care and concern for my internet friends is limitless, distance makes it impossible to back words up with actions. That bothers me to no end.

At any rate, here is that song I was listening to:

I wish things were easier for my friends and I wish they could feel that peace and comfort and connection and healing.

My expressions of support are always given genuinely and freely, but they fall short of real community and connection. One could say it’s better than nothing, but is it really? I don’t know. I don’t feel that it really is enough.

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6 Responses to That I wish I could do more.

  1. Heather says:

    Yes, it really is better than nothing. 🙂

    I had nothing for a long time, and “this” is far better.

    The very short while that I have been reading your blog and a few others has really given me the boost I’ve been looking for to become my authentic self. Just knowing that who I am is not SO far off from other people (out there), helps me feel free to be me.

    Sure, it’s not “the best,” but it is good. 🙂

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Heather – thanks for that. I do agree, when I read other’s blogs, I do feel less alone in the word and I do feel encouraged to be more authentic too.

    I just feel powerless and I want to be there in ways I can’t be for some of my internet friends.

    It might be enough (for now) for you, for them, but it’s not for me. It’s only a fraction of what I wish I could give.

    And then, after I posted this today…

    I come to find out my daughter’s teacher from last year is near the end of her life (probably before the week is over). The cancer finally got the best of her. I knew it was coming for a long time, but now that it’s here, I’m still not prepared for it…because I keep flashing back to those brief, but very deep interactions she and I had, and some of the things she shared with me…on top of how she came to tell me how much she appreciated my daughter and how much joy she brought simply by being a caring child.

    This makes my heart ache. It’s good to know my daughters are the kind that endear themselves to their teachers, but it makes it all the more soul-wrenching when it comes time to say goodbye.

    Sigh…there’s a post or two coming soon about that too.

  3. Heather says:

    Wow. I’m so sorry to hear about your teacher-friend. What a blessing she must have been to you and your daughter during such difficult times. There is something special about people who delight in our children as much as we, as mothers, do. I hope your daughter will remember that special teacher who thought so well of her.

    I know how you must feel with your friends who are in pain and suffering, but we do what we can with what we’ve got. And I’m sure that they appreciate as much of you as you have to give.

    Looking forward to your future thoughts.


  4. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Thanks Heather. I really appreciate it.

    I’m taking things day by day. I’m going to throw myself into my novel for a bit, and hopefully that will give my hands something to do while my mind processes the sadness.

    I was told by another mama writer on MDC that in the past she’s incorporated the deaths of loved ones into the stories she writes…and that it helped. I was already planning on incorporating the death of my former friend and colleague Barb from the crime lab (who died of cancer) since it’s one of the main subplots in the story for the novel, It’s going to be interesting to see how I feel about all this (I imagine lots of healing tears).

    Right now, the main character is about to say goodbye (temporarily) to George (who is largely fashioned after my husband) while she goes off to train for the crime lab. I think maybe it’s time for her to confess she loves him before she leaves. I think that thinking about my husband, and how much I love him, would help lift my spirits some.

  5. elburro says:

    …good luck with your novel. sounds like you are really enjoying the writing process.

    ..i agree with heather. a responsive listening ear can be very helpful. your thoughtful and kind words on my blog have always lifted my spirits, and are much appreciated. think of therapists…they don’t do anything other than listen and offer emotional support, and in my experience, that’s been a huge help. i do know what you mean though, in wishing that you could do more…it’s hard to know that someone you care about is going through something difficult…

  6. raisingsmartgirls says:

    el burro –

    Thank you. You are right on the therapists and their function. They listen without judgement, validate and offer a bit of an expanded view on what you are feeling, so that you can get a little bit of perspective. Most times, I think we have the answers to our problems within us, but lots of times we can’t see the forest for the trees.

    I don’t know, though. I’m also a big believer in sending off hand-written notes and little care packages too when I know someone is feeling sad.

    I am enjoying the writing process. Since the story is so personal…I was able to write some more last night about some happy feelings. There was a very sweet first kiss between the Maggie and George after she told him about getting the job offer. That’s of course not quite how it happened in real life (we’d already been dating 8 months by then), but it was really a beautiful scene. It helped to focus on something happy.

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