Warning – venting ahead.
I’ve been out of the workforce 5 years to be at home with my girls (7.5, almost 6 and 4.5).
I worked 12 years in the science field – microbiology, forensic DNA analysis, and then medical genetics. Stressful, at times. By the end of my career I was dissatisfied for many reasons and I knew (at the time) coming home was the right thing for all of us.
But now…I’m bored out of my mind. Completely, utterly, hopelessly bored.
I have 3 blogs – one for me and two for things I do with the kids. We did science projects, math projects and some other stuff. I read tons, researched a bunch about giftedness in children and adults, selective mutism, advocate for my daughters, help them when they want me to learn more than they are learning in school…etc.
I made children’s toys for a while. I keep thinking I want to do some more but I don’t have the motivation.
I’m bored in an extremely major way.
I thought it was because I didn’t have any friends. Now I know it’s not because of that. But it’s because I’m not doing what I love anymore – working in the lab. I was a supervisor when I left in a major private university in a major metropolis. I miss the lab so much I wouldn’t care if I was an underpaid lab tech if I could do the stuff I loved doing with my hands again.
I was talking to another former scientist turned SAHM. She mentioned something about extracting DNA from an onion and couldn’t believe how much she got. I recalled my college histology class where we made slides out of different things, including onion skin. Yeah, lots of cells with DNA in them. We added chemicals to it to be able to detect different stages of meiosis. I began to miss all that I used to do. I have pictures of the slides we made…somewhere in this house. I can’t find them and it makes me a bit sad.
I have so much knowledge tucked away in the crannies of my head, and I feel saddened that it’s just going to waste.
Now I’m just an under-stimulated, low-energy, bored, lazy mother who just can’t fathom ever getting back to doing what I loved doing.
I just want to cry. Only I don’t have the energy for it.
I think I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life next, because I was DOING what I loved doing.