Okay, I have to be honest.

Warning – venting ahead.

I’ve been out of the workforce 5 years to be at home with my girls (7.5, almost 6 and 4.5).

I worked 12 years in the science field – microbiology, forensic DNA analysis, and then medical genetics. Stressful, at times. By the end of my career I was dissatisfied for many reasons and I knew (at the time) coming home was the right thing for all of us.

But now…I’m bored out of my mind. Completely, utterly, hopelessly bored.

I have 3 blogs – one for me and two for things I do with the kids. We did science projects, math projects and some other stuff. I read tons, researched a bunch about giftedness in children and adults, selective mutism, advocate for my daughters, help them when they want me to learn more than they are learning in school…etc.

I made children’s toys for a while. I keep thinking I want to do some more but I don’t have the motivation.

I’m bored in an extremely major way.

I thought it was because I didn’t have any friends. Now I know it’s not because of that. But it’s because I’m not doing what I love anymore – working in the lab. I was a supervisor when I left in a major private university in a major metropolis. I miss the lab so much I wouldn’t care if I was an underpaid lab tech if I could do the stuff I loved doing with my hands again.

I was talking to another former scientist turned SAHM. She mentioned something about extracting DNA from an onion and couldn’t believe how much she got. I recalled my college histology class where we made slides out of different things, including onion skin. Yeah, lots of cells with DNA in them. We added chemicals to it to be able to detect different stages of meiosis. I began to miss all that I used to do. I have pictures of the slides we made…somewhere in this house. I can’t find them and it makes me a bit sad.

I have so much knowledge tucked away in the crannies of my head, and I feel saddened that it’s just going to waste.

Now I’m just an under-stimulated, low-energy, bored, lazy mother who just can’t fathom ever getting back to doing what I loved doing.

I just want to cry. Only I don’t have the energy for it.

I think I can’t figure out what I want to do with my life next, because I was DOING what I loved doing.

This entry was posted in boredom strikes, career, combining science and motherhood, my mothering goals. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Okay, I have to be honest.

  1. Mom Gail says:

    All I can say is, do it again, even if it’s only part time. I know you love the kids and want to be there for them, but you have to be there for you too. Sit down, make a plan, discuss it with your honey, and then put it into action. You can do whatever you make up your mind to do. You have so much to share, share it outside of your comfort zone, (that isn’t much of a comfort zone anymore)

  2. raisingsmartgirls says:

    Mom Gail…

    Honey wants me to be happy. If I can find something to do in the evenings a few nights a week, that would be great.

    I’m hoping he can take some time off in a week or so, and I was going to talk to someone at my old university. Even if I have to take a class or to to brush up on skills.

    I will also try and contact Kelly Technical temp services if they still exist around here.

    I’m also going to dig up all my old work resources – even if the technologies have changed, some of the science behind them hasn’t.

  3. Casey,

    I would add this question – was there anyone at your old job with whom you had an intellectual connection? Someone who also shared your values? Because even if they can’t give you a position, they will likely know other people who have a similar outlook – to themselves and you.

    The other thing I would add is this: consider where you want to end up, ultimately. I suspect the answer to that may be many things but if you sit with it quietly, might not be obvious…the answer is likely inside you. I recommend not censoring it e.g. there’s no job like that in my community and I would also suggest you factor in all the facets of your life e.g. your family, your other interests outside of work.

    I have a friend who says ‘ you have to name it to claim it’. I think women, especially gifted women, have a hard time doing that… maybe because there are so many things to factor in.

    You’ll find it Casey if you look for it. For sure.

  4. raisingsmartgirls says:

    GU – thank you. Funny you should mention it… I do have a friend at one of my jobs 2 jobs ago (the mentor/friend/father figure). We do occasionally have the chance to talk, but for a while, I hadn’t heard from him.

    I found out why – he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and before he found out the prognosis (they caught it early), the possibility of dying was uncertain for a while. I had a really difficult time with the idea he might die. Death anxiety loomed high around that time (especially since my sister and a friend of mine was also diagnosed with thyroid cancers just prior to him telling me).

    I used to be more successful at going after what I wanted. But now, with children, things are different. It’s been more of a strange ride. Up and down more frequently than I’d like.

    There’s more “noise” than I’d like around here.

    However, the third daughter is going to start preschool next week. I will have 1.5 hours 3 days a week all to myself. I intend to start sitting quietly with my thoughts and hopefully coming up with a plan for myself.

  5. Pingback: Gifted Women: Finding Satisfaction at Work | gifteduniverse.com

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