The soundtrack of my life

If you’ve been reading my blog lately, you pretty much know the philosophical inquiries I’ve been posing to myself and presenting for all the world to see.

I spent the entire afternoon in a little bit of personal “research”, having been reminded by a good friend of mine of the beautiful lyricism of certain kinds of music. In the daily cacophony of life with little ones, I’d forgotten to stop and listen to the splendid compositions out there. So I spent time on YouTube looking for the music that called to me…that I loved but set aside as my responsibilities distracted me from them.

In case you were wondering what some significant pieces meant to me in my life and why:

Outback: Baka. This piece was meaningful to me because it reminds me of the time I was in an 18 month forensics training program. I was living in Springfield at the time, for the first time in my life far away from the family dysfunction I grew up in. I sometimes came home stressed out from the training program – mostly tension from co-workers causing me aggravation combined with being 3 hours away from my fiance. I would lay down in a big bean bag chair with a glass of wine, turned this music up loud, closed my eyes and I could feel the tension and the loneliness dissipate as I let the music just flow around me.

Travelin Soldier by the Dixie Chicks. This piece makes me remember me as an 18 year old, loving my first love who went into the armed forces. For reasons too difficult to explain, my mother made us break up. I spent the next 4 years pouring out my love to him in love letters sent at least twice monthly (and often more), knowing I might never see him again. I had to get a post office box when I found out she intercepted a few of our letters. He returned as many letters as he was able to over those four years – from San Diego, from Miami, from North Carolina, from overseas. For reasons too painful to explain, we were never meant to be together. We are still great friends though, 21 years later and our families have gone on vacation together. So that he wouldn’t have my letters thrown out by a girl he was dating, he returned all my letters to me 7 years ago. He also played me this song. He used this song to tell me how much those letters meant to him.

I found Josh Turner’s Long Black Train reminded me of the time I wanted to end my life when I was younger, but realized after seeking refuge from the parents of a friend of mine, I really wanted very much to live to see how my life turned out (pretty great, I think).

Christofori’s Dream
This is a hauntingly exquisite piece. My husband and I loved this piece and for his birthday many years ago, I bought him the sheet music so he could learn to play it for me.

Shortly after we conceived our first baby, we heard this song from Creed:

With Arms Wide Open

This song gave us great comfort when we were scared to be parents, and it gave us great sadness when we heard it after I miscarried that baby.

It was also on the birth cd my husband brought for me to listen to while I delivered my second baby. It will always be special to us.

Remember When by Alan Jackson reminds me of my marriage to my husband and the good times and bad but that we gotten through all of them.

This is a new favorite…and personally inspiring.

Deliver Me.

And this one is visually beautiful (because of the dolphins) and spiritual: Adiemus.

And when I feel overwhelmed, I love listening to Enigma’s Return to Innocence.

I heard this one from Bocelli in a bookstore a few years ago and simply have loved it ever since. I have decided that I want this at my funeral if they let me:

Time to Say Goodbye

I realize some people never really identify their lives or their loves with certain pieces, but I have remembered a number of significant events or places by associating music with them.

My husband used to make mix tapes for me…so that he could communicate his love for me.

If ever I had a soundtrack for the story of my life…this would be it.

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