I can’t find words lately, at least not to post about here on my blog. I’m having some really interesting conversations via email correspondence that I’m loving right now. It seems that there are at least a few people in similar stages of life that I am that understand the conflicted desires of our hearts.
One thing I’m very encouraged by is that I’m not the only one who is seeking a deeper understanding of themselves and tries to connect to others in a deeply meaningful way. Some people spend their lives at one level of development, content with their superficial relationships with others and with themselves – or perhaps not content, but actively avoid looking too deeply at their lives.
I’m having a hard time articulating what I’m restless for right now. I have always loved the quotation,
The unexamined life is not worth living.
You get 10 points if you know who said it and in what context.
Need a hint?
It was some greek guy.
Socrates said that at his trial for heresy. He was on trial for encouraging his students to challenge the status quo of the time and think for themselves. The sentence was death but Socrates had the option of suggesting an alternative punishment. He could have chosen life in prison or exile, and would likely have avoided death.
Right now I’m in that state of mind where I need some deep examination of where I want to go from here. But the hardest part of it all is that is has to comfortably co-exist with raising a family. My girls are getting older, and I’m beginning to realize what I need to do is start tilling the field to get ready for some new growth. I have rich fertile soil to work with, yet I have do the hard work of preparing to plant the seeds of growth again.
I’m planning on taking a class in the fall again at the local university. The biggest problem I face is narrowing down the choices of what I want to pursue in earnest. There are many things that interest me, but only a few that really call to my heart.
These right now are:
psychology – both normal and abnormal
education (except I think I’d have a problem with being told how to teach)
Hmm. Notice something? Not one mention of science. 4 years of college education in science, 12 years of practical laboratory experience, and not one iota of desire to go back to it. Sad but true. It was such a productive career that really paid decently. But I no longer really feel it calling to me anymore.
My talents really lie in empathy and perception – I really would make a good counselor/therapist. I have always given insightful advice to people since I was about 15. I think I would be good at it and it would be one way to continue paying it forward. Think of all the people I could help if it were my profession to do so.
Hmm…perhaps I haven’t been stuck without a direction. Maybe it’s been here all along waiting for me to recognize what I really desire most in life.
I don’t know.