There. I said it. I’m tired of trying to think otherwise. I’m bored. I love my kids, but I’m bored. I’m languishing here, totally unmotivated to fix it. So, not only am I bored, I’m lazy. I think it might have something to do with having 3 weeks of meltdowns from my middle child, and now I’m just spent and can’t muster up the energy to function happily.
And…I’m missing having adult conversations about things that are important in the adult world. Running into people I once knew, and the impending 20 year reunion is really making me evaluate where I was and where I’m right now.
And…for as “smart” as I’d like to think I am, I’m running out of ideas to challenge myself.
And…they were right to say I’d end up having problems if I quit my job. Shut up already (the voices in my head that are my mother and my old boss, not you, dear reader). I still couldn’t be gone 11 hours a day and come home for job #2 (taking care of the kids, housework and dear husband). I was stretched way too thin.
And…I’m desperate for intellectual companionship – not online either but honest to goodness flesh and blood face-to-face human contact with someone who is not a child or a mother (though at this point, I’ll take whatever I can get).
I don’t want someone to chat with about my problems, I want someone to have an intellectual conversation with. To mull over the meaning of life with, to wax philosophical or to simply just appreciate me for being anything other than a mother.
I read all the time how mothers are SO happy to give up their identities for their kids and they have all the time to research what they want, explore their hobbies, etc.
Well, yes, that’s all fine, until you’ve done that and you need the synergy you get from sharing ideas from another human being. It’s making me very, very unhappy at the moment.
I had about 10 friends/coworkers I could reasonably rely on to get my fix for the intellectual stimulation I needed. Now, I have none (well, except my husband, but he’s got his own stuff going on).
This totally sucks monkey butt.
***
An addendum –
Perhaps it’s the fact I’m 38 and I’m going through a quasi mid-life crisis. Perhaps since I’ve been out of my field for 4.5 years, I’m realistic enough to know all my skills/knowledge are outdated. Perhaps its because I relied too much on external motivators (a paycheck, performance reviews, etc), that I’m not really internally motivated and need the pressure of deadlines to actually get my act together. Who knows. I just know it really makes me wonder if I’m going beyond the simple blues and actually am becoming just a little bit depressed. Before you ask, I’ve had a complete blood workup too, with iron and thyroid and other metabolics. I thought for sure with two sisters and a mother with a thyroid problem, I would have one too. But apparently I got a clean bill of health.
I just wish I knew where all my energy has gone to. I feel like I’ve been operating at 50 percent capacity for too long.
Raising Smart Girls 
Hang in there. Leaving a career to stay home with kids is a difficult thing. I wish I could visit you with some coffee and chat.
You are NOT just a bored housewife “Hi, I’m raisingsmartgirls and here’s my husband. Yes, he’s a ranch built in 1963 with aluminum siding, but he’s MY ranch” (sorry, couldn’t resist)
You are fighting hard for your daughters. You are working on your one child’s fight for her words. You may need to have the adult stimulation, but please don’t think you are being useless.
Spacemom –
Thank you for your kind words. I’ve was having a terrible, no good, very bad day yesterday. Not with the kids, however – they were actually all very good. I was just feeling like I had reached a very low point emotionally.
I’m lacking real connection with others sometimes. I had a really bad Labor Day in which my sisters were criticizing some of my choices. I can’t tell them of my struggles because they just don’t think the same way I do on things, and they brush off my feelings a lot.
I have read on a mother’s message board how some moms gave up their career and they have been able to embrace their time at home, and how they have time to study their interests. I have always struggled with it – it’s been 4.5 years and I’m restless.
I’m not used to having no idea what I want to do. I mean, I have a couple of ideas, but nothing I’m sold on. That makes it frustrating. And, then of course, you have to figure out how to do it between 8 and 2:30, or find afterschool care, which I’m not sure I’m willing to do just to pursue my own goals.
So, I have to really think about the balance I want for me and for them. Sometimes I think I need a therapist, because my dear husband gets frustrated when I reject all his ideas and so he stops offering suggestions.
I am just feeling very isolated, and even lately nobody has been posting replies to emails I’ve sent or even my blogs. I was feeling very blue.
I did try to go to bed at a relatively decent hour (10:15 instead of 11-12), so that should help.
Hopefully I’ll have a better attitude today.
I don’t even know you, but I feel this way on and off almost every day. If we lived close to each other, we could hang out…
Seriously, a therapist might help. My husband IS a therapist, but he can’t be my husband and my therapist at the same time, so I go to someone else! And he has really helped me with the way I look at things and the way I see myself (I’m not JUST a mother; etc.)
Really, good luck. I’ve been there way too many times.
Erin – thank you. I suppose it’s time to stop trying to figure this out on my own.
I asked my husband to look at what his plan covers. I really need someone to help me sort out what I really need.
Hey there, I feel the same way-I actually came across your blog whle doing a search of how to deal with the way I’m feeling.
It’s like you love being a mum and all that, but you NEED something else, somethng more. It’s hard to find a job (like you say between those hours) and there’s little in the way of support from friends or family.
I’m getting to the stage where I’m just so bored I’m eating way too much and that in turn is making me podge out and make me even more down! It’s silly really.
Maybe volunteering is the answer, you don’t get paid but it’s something you can do in the hours you have free, it’s commitment free and it has the feelgood factor. Who knows, maybe it may lead on to meeting new people and getting an interesting job offer?
Hope you find a way out of the restlessness soon, hugs xxx
Thanks Loo –
I actually had the chance to do some volunteering lately. I helped out at my daughter’s preschool not too long ago, then helped out making some food for the relief workers who are still trying to clean up the mess the floods made today. Also, I’ve been arranging some park play dates for my girls after school, so that I at least get the chance to talk with other moms. That’s been helping too.
So, it hasn’t been that bad lately. Now that school is well under way, I even get out more often with the littlest one. She and I will go to a grocery store every other day, close to my home, even if it’s just to get fruit or a pack of gum. Just getting out of our rut also seems to help some.
KC
Hey, bored housewife here. I was just thinking of this poem in the Wal-Mart parking lot, while contemplating either drinking at noon or starting a torrid affair:
Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
we ourselves flash and yearn,
and moreover my mother told me as a boy
(repeatingly) “Ever to confess you’re bored
means you have no
Inner Resources.” I conclude now I have no
inner resources, because I am heavy bored.
Peoples bore me,
literature bores me, especially great literature,
Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
as bad as Achilles,
who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
If John Berryman could be bored at times, surely an utterly anonymous housewife can be, too.
I love the poem, but the Wal-Mart parking lot bit is sooooo true. Thanks for making me laugh!!!
Oh Lord, here I was looking up people who felt the same way I am feeling and I find this. You managed to express exactly how I feel most of the time and my 20 year reunion is tomorrow too. Funny huh? I know this is a comment after quite a lot of time has passed since your post and I hope you have found yourself happier. It does me a world of good to know I don’t feel this way all by myself.
Thank You!
Sing me a song – I have no excuse for not replying to your lovely poem. Sometimes I read a reply and mean to get back to it, but life gets in the way! I’m so sorry.
What is it about the parking lot of Wal-Mart?
Zindylou Who? (sorry, cat in the hat reference – can you tell I’m hanging around the kids too much?) – thanks for replying.
I had a very stimulating conversation (well sort of) with the dental hygienist of the new dentist I’m seeing. I was listening to her tell me in detail all about the new technologies and studies done in dentistry.
Her kids are grown up, but she really is extremely bright and knowledgeable and friendly. She told me she was going to be thinking of our conversation later that night.
I’m going back in 2 weeks for some small cavities to be filled and I’m almost thinking of asking her to go for coffee. Would that be weird?
I just had a “Fear & Loathing In California” night! I am so Fucking bored staying home with my 8 year old daughter! I adore her but I want to kill zac and cody. I smoke lot’s of medical marijuana! No drinking! but I did start some valium and zoloft!!! Here comes the sexless fat ass! Gaddamded anti-depressants!..at least I have a few valium and marijuana. I relate totally to having gone from work on film sets for16 hour days to 18 hour day of pure sucking vortex with no pay!!!…All the other “Mothers”look at me with that stefford look and say “you just need a pedicure”. Well I got drunk one night at a dive bar and everytime my husband called I answered “Fuck You!” wow ..I know…. this is repression you guys..I’m a good person who skidded off the road for a while. I’m kick’n it 70’s style….Fuck yoga and prozac..give me Pot and Valium and just a tiny attention from some CUTE men ( not those ugly ones!!)
more to come
Cindy the loon
You need medical attention. What kind of example are you setting for your eight year old? What kind of mother are you? You are not a good one right now. Get help! Take care of your daughter. What is wrong with taking care of her? I’m bored too but get a fucking grip lady. If you don’t take care of her, you will lose her. You will lose your whole life. You will end up with your story on the six o’clock news. You will be the next mother with a missing child because you were too goddamned high to take care of your little girl. Get off the fucking drugs. There is a little person who needs you.
Cindy the loon –
It’s interesting that I should get your post today. I logged on to write a post about Life Interrupted kind of style. I got to thinking about a lot of things and it will make for a good read.
I can say you are probably experiencing a bit of a “crisis” mode right now…stuck betwixt who you were and who you are now.
Working on film sets? You are a creative person…you could probably do with less valium and anti-depressants and more journaling your frustrations. You could probably use the creative advice within the pages of The Artist’s Way. Journaling is a way to open up new possibilities for yourself.
Check out Julia Cameron’s website,
http://theartistsway.com/index.php
You can, if you wish, forge a new life even though you are stuck in Stepford Wife Hell. Without medications, pot or valium.
It’s scary as hell to be “normal”. So don’t be. Give yourself this time at home with daughter to discover new talents and gifts.
Best wishes and stay tuned for my Life Interrupted blog post.
– I hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner –
I once had that thing called Chronic Fatigue, but a man cured it.
It was cured when this man I hardly know told me “You are bored with housework.”
The shock of relief is what cured me of Chronic Fatigue – to hear a man say that I don’t have to do housework was too cool.
And he didn’t even want to have sex with me.
Amazing.
oh wow. I literally had to look again at who wrote this post, because I thought it was my own 😮
Right down to the part about not wanting to socialize online but in *person*.
That’s where I am right now.
Please tell me you got out of this phase??
Manal –
Welcome…and yes, I did get out of this phase. It took forever.
My youngest is in school full day now (she’s almost 6 and in full day Kindergarten), so I get 6.5 hours by myself.
I am getting out more…even if it’s just to the bookstore or Potbelly’s for lunch and writing, but I now have a few really dear internet friends I correspond with regularly. So, yes, I’m getting intellectual stimulation…but it’s still not face-to-face.
I just met a new friend at a birthday party at a local planetarium within a middle school (that was very fun!)…who asked me if I was interested in volunteering to be a science fair judge and she has a science degree and a techno-savvy husband kind of like I do, so we have a few things in common to talk about other than just kids stuff. I thought it was cool.
Hang in there…it does get easier in some ways (and harder in others!).
Hi Raising Smart Girls, you’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head regarding the way that I feel right now. I love my kids dearly but I do get so bloody bored. I haven’t had a career for about 6 years now and I do miss that intellectual stimulation. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and with whom I can have intellectual conversations. However, I can only wonder if sometimes he feels ambushed by me at times when he comes home from work. My problem is that there are so many things that I would like to do like painting my house, sewing, re-decorating, reading etc. but seriously, who can do stimulating projects with small children? I often feel trapped in my house because it’s so darn hard to get out of the house with my kids and then they usually complain if we are going somewhere that they don’t find entertaining. Most days I do play with them but there are some days that I feel so down and frustrated that I don’t feel like it. Sorry to vent but I do feel a bit better already.
Hi, I am so glad I found this. I actually thought I was the only one who felt this way and I was feeling so guilty. I love being home with my 5 year old and I know I’ll miss him when he goes to Kindergarten in August, but I am so damn bored that my head aches all day long. I eat when I’m not hungry and I feel resentful to my husband because he has a job and gets to talk to people. I feel so isolated and lonely!
Here I am. Me, too. What is it? My age? I have been feeling this way for about 2 years now. I love my kids, I have one left not in school yet. I am counting the months (18) until she starts kindergarten, then I am getting a job. I would go now but I know she would be miserable because I am gone “too long” and take too long to pick her up from daycare – tried it but got laid off. I raised 3 other girls at home until their youngest sister came along and never had feelings like this. I was always busy, social, willing to go out, but with my youngest, I have no desire to join a play group, paint a bedroom, start a home business, I hate marketing myself. I just want a J-O-B to keep me busy. Feeling guilty, sick of Walmart, sick of cleaning, sick of chit-chat. I would love to find friendships that last past preschool. Adult conversation with other moms who can understand, but not just about the kids. Cheers and hugs to everyone else in this rut…
Thanks Spacecadet and 40 + Bored Too.
Still bored here…almost getting close to job hunting. I didn’t want to job hunt over winter.
I was fairly socially awkward this past Saturday when I went up to an artist drawing at a table at Borders. First time ever I met anyone interesting there and I talked to him a bit and felt really excited but anxious too because I don’t talk to many people these days.
Today, I was judging a science fair…first time ever. Damn, that was a smidge less boring. Actually it wasn’t too bad. I got 2 hours in the company of other adults besides my husband.
I guess it’s comforting to know this dilemma is rather commonplace. My youngest is just finishing her first year of Kindergarten and while I have found some things to do with my time I have found that I really don’t like to spend my free time chit chatting about husbands and kids and blah blah blah. Real conversations and real interaction. I think I am looking for productive and worthwhile (aside from laundry and drying tears) No offense but working the PTO and playing Bunco is just not my idea of a stimulating environment (not to mention some of the folks I have met seem a bit petty and well kind of plastic). Problem is I still am not willing to give up the Mommy role in order to return to the career. I wonder how one learns to just be?
Hi Susan,
“Problem is I still am not willing to give up the Mommy role in order to return to the career. I wonder how one learns to just be?”
Mindfulness meditation is a great practice for that.
http://www.jimhopper.com/mindfulness/
It is with much caution I have concluded to add to your stream of replies. It is not with any lack of consideration or empathy with any of you, but in fact due to a feeling of belonging.
I’m not a mother like others of you on this post but one of couple, and yes employed. But, that said I feel the same as many of you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful in this horrid climate to have a job but it bores me to death full of day to day interactions with people I can’t relate to and regularly despise due to their contentment in the same environment. Home is supposed to be your sanctuary in this situation but I come home to housework and boredom. I’m lacking in a meaning or sense of enjoyment from activities and interactions with others.
Although I spend each weekday morning dreading work, I find the thought of a ‘spare weekend’ whilst my partner is off hobbying unbearable, and end up delighting in boredom of housework just because I have something to do….
Being of that certain age where all my friends are now mothers and the conversations I’m involved in.now revolve around kids and childbirth, I too desire interactions of an intellectual nature and ones that quite honestly don’t scare the beans out of me about one day becoming a mother.
I hope that although I come from a different angle you will also accept me into your fold… There are us single gals out here who feel the same and crave the same as you….
Cat
Cat –
You are certainly welcomed here. I think that, the more time goes on and the more research I do, the more I understand that there is a certain group of individuals that have this growing sense of awareness and desire for more than superficial, unrewarding relationships.
But, I have read that loneliness is not just an indication that we need to connect with others, but that we need to really connect with ourselves too. I can’t find the friendships I need, so I am learning to be the friend to myself that I need. I am enjoying more and more doing things by myself and by reading good works of literature. My recent one is Jane Eyre. I feel less and less lonely because I know there are others throughout the ages that have felt just as I do about things.
At least, for a time, I am connected to someone through their writing (granted, they often have been long passed on, but in a way, their spirit lives on through their writing). So, I do find a great deal of comfort in the things I read.
I am so happy I am not the only one! I am 26 with a 9 and 4 year old. I know I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kids and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way, but sometimes I just want “me” time. To have coffee with someone who isn’t family and is over 21. To just go for a drive or enjoy a nice quiet afternoon outside. To have peace for a day. A day for just me. Is that selfish? My sex life is a joke, and I have no hobbies my children are to young for me to do anything on my own. Am I just being silly? To feel alone, angry, resentful, jealous, and lustful? I want to feel something, anything! I’m glad I found this blog. I needed to vent so badly. Its just one of those nights where I tried to hang out with my only friend (my husband) but he fell asleep, so I started feeling upset and bored and blah. Its off and on. I don’t always feel this way. I hate when I do. Idle hands are the devils playground, I hope I don’t give in and sin…
Crystal – I think your feelings are normal.
Working mother, stay at home mother, being a mother in general is hard work. If the father is contributing to the caretaking of the children, then that’s hard work for him too. I am blessed that we have been sharing a lot of the childcare responsibility these past few years. Since I wrote this, my husband has been laid off for over a year. I’m no longer bored, or lonely. I have been wanting him to go back to work so that I could have some alone time without feeling like I’m leaving him behind.
I realize I like a balance between being with him, and being apart. I like being a stay at home mother, yet I have cultivated some of my own hobbies – art journaling is a big one for me and I can do it alone yet not feel alone…if that makes sense. I am alone with me and my thoughts and what I create I enjoy.
Identifying the things you like and don’t like is the start of understanding your wants and needs. If you don’t like something, visualize what you’d like to be different and try different things to fill your need.
You know, not everyone believes that idle hands are the devil’s playground. Sometimes idleness is just an indication that you need to do something different and you need to be creative. That doesn’t mean it has to be a sinful activity. If you are saying you hope you don’t have an affair (what else could you mean, especially since you threw “lustful” into the mix?), then I hope you don’t either. Affairs will compound your problems not solve your problems, even if you suspect they might. This is not a judgment, but a reality. If you aren’t happy in your marriage, it’s time to focus on what’s right about it and build on that, not add another distraction.
Are your kids in school? Have your husband take the day off work and have a date with him. Get to know the man you fell in love with all over again. With any luck, you both are not the same people you were when you first married and you can get to know each other all over again.
Best wishes,
Casey
Hello,
I am a mother of three, 15,14 and 10. I have been home for 16 years and the last couple of years have been torture!!! I have a few family friends but no one that is as bored as I am. I tried getting a job last year, which was great except they no longer needed me and at times would present a conflict with my children’s schedule. I DO have from 8 to 3 but really how much working out, shopping, cleaning can one do. That is not me, after 3 I put up the taxi sign on my car and off I go, picking up and dropping off. I reached out to a few nonprofit organizations to volunteer. I too am lonely and wish I could find people in my area to talk to.
I’ve read all the posts here, and I’m in awe! This isn’t the first time I’ve looked for other people feeling the same way about being bored at home, but it’s the first time that I’ve felt connected to what was written.
My husband and I (my best friend to boot), parents are both divorced and most are in another relationship again. So we worry that our sanity will leave us and we may be tempted to end the marriage at some point. And in the case of our parents it seemed that our parents all ended things “once the kids were old enough” to cope. We don’t want that. We realize that the hardest years are the early years on a relationship when you have little kids (unless you also have challenging teenagers). So we are constantly reminding ourselves, that this time WILL pass. Perspective is everything. We must not be afraid to ask for help, and most importantly BREATHE! I can’t stress that one enough because I’ve been at times hyperventaliting with depression, fears, and anxiety only to have my husband come up beside me, rub my back and say “it’s going to be okay, honey” over and over again until I COULD breathe.
Sadly, I know that today’s society is not helping mothers in their greatest time of need. Raising children is not meant to be done in isolation, but these days in N.A. it sure is! If my husband and I survive this period in our lives, I will count our blessings, but so far I fear I have entered into the crazy lalala land found somewhere between my car and the Wal-Mart entrance. Thanks again for the great “nap-time” read.
Ok hi ladies can I join ur group too!!! I’m totally bored to death and I thot I was the only one but thank God iv found this page
I haven’t been employed for 5yrs now I was a banker and it was waaay too demanding and I got home late and spent. I had one child then.So since hubby’s biz was doing well we agreed that I could quit.
The first 2yrs were fabulous I loooooved it! Then in the 3rd year our finances got shaky and its been downhill since. I am miserable,I can’t find a job and we have no capital for me to start a little sumthn at home.My marriage is now shaky and I resent him and I know he resents me. We are barely scraping by and we don’t pay any bills we just shove them in a drawer.I’m overwhelmed ladies. This is the only tym I’m bein totally truthful. People around me know that our finances are bad they just don’t knw how bad. we have borrowed left right and centre hoping the business will improve but nothing…. Sorry to go on bt I jus wntd to vet. If anyone has been there please let me know how you got out
I am bored too. A year has passed after my marriage. I was working as a lecturer in college before marriage. That life was too good. But city changed after marriage and I am kinda feeling too bored. I do yoga, exercises etc… but time is not going anyways. I am really bored. Don’t know what to do.
Hi! i came across your blog by just typing in the google “bored housewife”. Ever since i got pregnant and now have a handsome son of a 3 yrs old, i’ve been staying home just to take care of him. I’m disable but can walk without using a cane just that it’s not normal walking like everybody do. That’s why I feel so helpless here. I want to work but my mind says I need to take care of my son. I can’t resist leaving my son to take care by someone who can’t I can’t trust. The truth is I also have a Separation Anxiety. Maybe because ever since he came out of this world I was the one who took care of him. of course, who wouldn’t like to just stay home all day and got nothing to do. But as time goes by you’ll realize it’s really boring. Especially if my situation is like this and also I don’t have a REAL or ACTUAL friends that I can talk or go to anytime I want. Hoping I can find a NEW friends. And I know in GOD’s time he will make my life more meaningful.
Sorry for the long post. This is the first time to vent out my feelings. God Bless everyone. 🙂
I am so totally with y’all. Circumstances required giving up work after my first child (over 10 years ago). Not a SINGLE day has gone past I haven’t missed the funded, intelligent lunch break with colleagues. Been applying ever since to get back in – now reliant on rejection slips to know I exist! “Totally overqualified mum” (TOM). HATE knowing the family budget relies on my not existing between 9 and 3. HATE not being recognised as unemployed by federal statistics. HATE feeling my only control/relevance to bills is to keep them small. HATE having no idea how to motivate my girls if this is all they are heading to (what kind of mentor is an unhappy TOM?). HATE doing volunteer work that results in PAID coordinators being reliant on my free labour. HATE being effectively redundant without having the opportunity to retire or ever even have anything to holiday from. HATE feeling like an dumbass just because I don’t have access to any thoughts other than those I conjure up. HATE feeling self-obsessed because most waking hours simply don’t involve anyone else. HATE not having anyone to laugh with (my god I so so soooo miss laughing!). HATE women who say ‘don’t you love it’ (what bloodly planet are they from?). SICK of reading just to fill endless time. TIRED of feeling my sense of humour drain. TIRED of self-motivating to constantly be gracious, support charities, smile, clean, cook, exercise . Bah! Humbug! (I manage the depression by getting mad!). Please, please! – just give me a paid 9-5 job! I’ll do whatever you ask, just LET ME EXIST! (Honestly, you do have to laugh! – it’s funny because it’s true)
I find myself in each comment.I feel so lonely and sad it seems most days.I stay home all day with little to do.I stare at the clock waiting for 3:30 to pick up kids.Then its home, supper,laundry, maybe one or two ballgames a week.My husband don’t want me to work so i have time to do things i want.Im 30 minutes from a store so i feel like i just waste gas driving everywhere. I also keep his 3kids on weekends.I feel like a nanny more than anything else. My life feels like kids and house work only.If i could just feel important or wanted around here i might feel different.
I’m feeling this exact same thing right now and the comments are mostly exactly what’s on my head. I’m a housewife for two years already and this is the moooost boring moment in my life. We’ve been here in Papua New Guinea for 6 months now. My husband was here a year before that and we just joined in. I have a 2 yo daughter and sometimes I get tired of taking care of her. I can’t even go out..just every saturday to buy our supplies. But the whole weekend we’re just at home. It’s already driving me crazy! I want to go back home but i dont want to leave my husband behind although he keeps on saying that its ok with him. No amount of internet or cable xhannels or homecooking can cure my boredom. Back home, whenever i want to go out, i can do so. Just take the cab and i’m on the mall to see a movie or something but here its just not possible. I feel like im in prison!
I can totally relate to your blog. My husband has fertility issues and it was a really hard road getting pregnant. So I thought being home with my miracle baby would be a joy everyday. And don’t get me wrong, I love her and we have lots of fun but I feel very lonely and lacking in intellectually stimulating conversation. I’m sick of doing laundry and cooking meals and washing plastic dishes (she’s 18months, we’re still on plastic). We’ve been trying for baby number 2 for 8 months now with no success. I can’t tell you how hard it is go through infertility and have no one you can really open up to. Since its my husbands biology he doesn’t like me talking about it. Which. Makes it very isolating for me. It might seem odd wanting a second baby so badly when you are lonely and bored at home. But it’s the monotony and lack of interesting conversation that I find hard. Not my little girl. I’m sure the rest of you feel the same. We all love our children dearly. It’s just that being a full time housewife is not all its cracked up to be…..it’s certainly not what I imagined.
Hi Ladies, what a find in the middle of the night! I too have been home with 3 daughters for 16 years. It was hard but busy when they were younger. Now they’re teenagers 13, 15, 17 and it’s way harder than I could have ever imagined. I’m always on the hunt for a part-time job and have had a couple over the years, but like every one else between 9 and 2. Those are hard to come by. I just want to feel useful. We manage on one income which makes it very stressful. And hobbies cost $.
I do have a great but sometimes clueless husband. And like most of you pretty much my only friend. He has a great job that he enjoys which makes me silently resentful. He works 24 hour shifts at a time so he gets his fill being with other people. So when I’ve been nowhere but the school parking lots in a week it takes alot of control to keep from screaming!
I used to know what I wanted, where I wanted to be. Now I couldn’t tell you what my interests are.
I can tell you that this isn’t how it was supposed to be! I’m truly tired of taking care of other people.
Thanks for letting me vent. It blew me away to find out there were other people with my exact same feelings.
Hi i too am blessed to have run across this site maybe in time to save my sanity.
I am a stay at home grandma, raising my daughter’s son….
My wonderful husband agreed after a few years of juggling toddler, career, and house work, that I could retire to the house and be a full time “mom” as he has two wonderful jobs that even work together at times to make his load a bit easier. I have lost my two friends to distance and find myself alone in a world of young mothers, that have nothing in common with a grand”mom” that has tons of free time, has a bit of spending money and doesn’t have to scrimp to stay home or work out of the house to help keep the family afloat.
I am not complaining that we have lot’s of money, because of course without my wages we are less “rich”, but some sacrifices go without saying…. I guess I should take the time to be happy with my crafts, hobbies, and creative skills, but with no one to share them with, I just want to climb back into my bed most days, and raising a young boy that seems to hold all the anger of the world on his little shoulders and has focused that anger on me since his mother left him with grandpa and I on the sad Easter weekend all three of us will remember all our lives. She comes to visit once in a while, but although she regrets not keeping him, she is still unprepared to completely commit to him, and each time she returns to her distant home, I suffer for it by being the grandma without hugs and kisses. Even suffering kicks and punches instead, I will continue to cook, clean, and make a home for my grandson and hubby of course, but each day is like Monday. Perhaps if he had been a girl it would be a bit easier, but with all the male influences in his nine years, he thinks grandma is a bit of a fluff. I remember being intelligent and humorous. Even a laugh at parties sometimes… maybe that was a dream… well thanks for letting me vent as well.. regards, Deny
Reina –
Blogging is free. Maybe you’d feel somewhat productive and useful if you write a blog about whatever strikes your fancy…and even if nothing does, you can start a blog on the self-discovery process. Writing helps you unearth your likes and dislikes, vent your troubles, find cyber-friendship and it’s something you can do that wouldn’t cost anything.
I found a poetry book at a thrift shop published in 1910 by a U.S. woman named Alice France. She was an ordinary housewife who was struggling with the ‘prison’ of domestic life. I should write a post about her and share some of her beautiful poems, and the really awesome introduction that was written about her.
She wrote a lot about love and God and some pretty strong feelings. It was really kind of neat to think that even when a woman’s role was more conventionally in the home, there were some that struggled with the idea of being “just” a homemaker. This isn’t an entirely modern problem. 🙂
But here is one of her poems –
Be Thyself
Just dare to think! To mould great thoughts,
And from thoughts mould thy soul.
Leave far behind conventional things,
And become sound and whole.
Oh, be thyself – thine own true self,
Not bound by laws and creeds;
But let the whisperings heard within,
Prompt all thy thoughts and deeds.
Be not afraid to stand alone,
With all the world apart;
If thy soul tells thee all is well,
And truth is in thy heart.
~ Alice France
Wow. I’m not ALONE! I’m 26, 2 kids (8, 2) and bored. Husband works 10 hr days and then doesn’t have the energy to go out, socialize etc etc. I was considering school, but don’t know what to do. Work? My 2 year old would have a melt down! Interest? Books, some tv,……that’s about it. Help me!
What about starting a blog? That’s how I was able to feel somewhat productive. Are there any mother’s groups in your area?
Mother’s and More and Mother’s of Preschoolers are two of them. I did join them for a while, when my kids were really little, before I started blogging and before we realized my daughter had extreme separation anxiety which made putting her in the church nursery impossible while I went to MOPs.
Oh, yeah, maybe try art journaling?
http://artjournaling.tumblr.com/
http://daisyyellow.squarespace.com/abstract/art-journaling-101.html
Casey
I am a 41 year old mother of 2 (8, 10). Love some of the comments here. I worked part time when my kids were little and still had some of these feelings. I quit work to just focus on them and the feelings just increased. When your children are little, you do feel this way, but it gets better. Having a friend or two you can talk to honestly really helps. I did MOP’s and it was a life saver. I did leave these group meetings feeling very frustrated by the conversations and all the ‘mommy-ness’ of it…. but in MOP’s I met women I could connect with outside of the meetings. It took time. It takes a long time for the people you would want to befriend to loosen up or for you both to take notice of each other. Groups like this are worth investing your time in. So many go for one meeting and think these women aren’t like me and are never seen again. When I had to go back to work, I left I was giving up my soul. But I got b#ck in the swing of things. Now, I have the oppurtunity to stay home again. No worries this time because my friends are still here. I will probably drink too much coffee and crochet too much, but hopefully I will read a few books and be a regular at the gym too!
I’m a 37 year old stay-at-home mum from an upwardly mobile family in India and believe me, the same isolation issues exist for me as they do for you. Despite being drenched in mind-numbing drudgery and being married to an abusive husband (who’s a great father), and my faceless existence in this prison cell I call home, I still have hope for pushing the restart button on my life once the kids are grown. It’s my compromise solution – saving myself while causing minimal damage to others, and I’m taking it.
Much love to you all.
Ria –
I’m so sorry to hear about the abusive husband part. That would make life so terrible. I had issues with my husband for a long while, but abusive was not one of them unless we were already fighting about something else (then we pretty much could both be quite awful).
Do you write? Maybe you could work through some of that through creating a blog. You can write anonymously and not worry about being found out (you could clear your history in your browser after you visit your blog). It might be interesting to find out if that would relieve some loneliness.
Things are better for me now…my youngest is 8, and I substitute teach in the schools part time. It’s not perfect. I still don’t really have friends, but that’s more because I’m weird and awkward.
Much love to you back.
Hugs
Casey